The Addendum to the Addendum to the Talk
by InfiniteRegress
Summary: Oliver Shaw gives rookies 'the Talk'. Sam Swarek makes sure they know 'the Addendum'. But never has a class of rookies been as challenging or ridiculous as these. These are the rules that never had to be uttered until 15 Division took on the task of training McNally, Epstein, Peck, Diaz, and Nash.
1. Zombie Apocalypse

_A/N. This is not a continuing story-line. Its a collection of one-shots because I'm too long-winded for drabbles. This is likely going to end up being multiple characters, universes, genres, and timelines, assuming you don't think it's too stupid to continue. I basically need a place to feed my crackfic habit because, as it is, I watch "Shark Week" on TV and completely derail the plot in my other fanfic because I have no impulse control. This is the place that random 'Rookie Blue' insanity inspired by pop culture goes now._

For those who are interested, **'Backwards'** is officially the first entry: **Rule #1: Even in the face of an alien invasion, obey your training officer.**

Disclaimer: I do not own Rookie Blue.

**Rule #2: It's not a Zombie Apocalypse until your training officer is eating your brains**

"I'm telling you it's the Zombie Apocalypse. It's already starting." Diaz, at the lockers with McNally, Peck and Epstein, was trying to convince the other rookies of the coming apocalypse as they checked their firearms before heading to Parade.

The rookies were living to regret the decision to have a weekend zombie movie marathon last year when their annual camping trip got rained out. But really, how could they have predicted what would happen next. Or that Diaz was a closet conspiracy theorist.

In a case of really bad timing, the rookies had their movie marathon the weekend before a string of horrible crimes across the US and Canada that the media decided to dub 'the Zombie Apocalypse.' Maybe they could have convinced Diaz to let it go, but both countries then decided that zombies would be a fun way to promote disaster preparedness. It wasn't fun for the rookies because Chris decided that the government was subtly preparing the populace for an imminent threat. Of zombies.

What really sealed it was a public relations stunt where 15 Division participated in a civil security exercise using a zombie attack as the hypothetical scenario. After that, Diaz made them watch 'The Walking Dead' every week to get pointers for survival during a zombie apocalypse. Epstein had even told the other rookies that Chris had taken over a closet at their apartment to build a zombie survival kit. Well, kit was putting it too lightly. The closet was full to overflowing and Diaz was considering transporting a portion of his supplies to a storage locker.

Now Diaz was waving a newspaper in the air, "The Foreign Affairs Minister just admitted that the zombie threat is real. They are expecting zombie invasion from the United States that turns into a continent-wide pandemic," at the incredulous looks from the other rookies, Chris insisted, "They admitted it on the floor of the House of Commons. It says so right here."

Shaw had chosen the moment the phrase 'zombie threat' was uttered to enter the locker room to hurry the rookies along to Parade. He found himself speechless. He'd heard a lot of harebrained ideas before, usually from Epstein, but for this one he had no words.

Four weeks later

Diaz was just returning to the squad with coffee towards the end of shift, when the radio crackled to life, "1504 we've got a Code Z at High Park"

Shaw picked up the radio and asked, "Dispatch. Repeat that,"

The radio came back with, "A Code Z has been called In at High Park. Officers are on scene and calling for back up."

Shaw hit the lights and sirens, his face grim he responded, "1504 en-route."

Diaz looked as Shaw and asked, "What's a code Z?" Shaw didn't answer.

Several tense minutes later, they pulled into the park to find Peckstein already on the scene. Dov was visibly freaking out. He had blood on his hands and Peck was nowhere to be found.

Diaz was out of the squad before it had come to a complete stop. He drew his weapon and made his way to Epstein. Shaw came up behind him and asked, "Where is Gail?"

Dov answered with a whisper, "Dead. She's dead." His answer was punctuated by a scream that came from behind them.

Diaz whirled around and the sight before him brought home the answer to his question. He'd been preparing for this, but seeing it was too horrible to be believed, "Zombies. Code Z is for zombie attack."

The sight before him was gruesome. There was a man, bloody and dirty. He was obviously dead. The oozing intestines hanging from a huge gash in the man's gut confirmed that. The zombie had a victim pinned to a tree. It appeared to be a woman jogger whose attempts to stave of the zombie's attack looked like a macabre lovers' embrace. Her screams were silenced as the zombie made a meal of her throat.

Knowing it was too late to save the victim; Diaz looked to Shaw for what they should do. But before he could ask, he saw a nightmare before his eyes. Peck was advancing on them from the opposite side. She was one of them now. A zombie.

Dov and Chris froze. They couldn't fire. Not at Gail. Shaw had to do it for them. Shaw fired off two rounds and the zombie that used to be Gail Pack crumpled to the ground.

Unfortunately the noise drew the attention of the other zombie in the park. Diaz turned and expelled a horrified, "Andy" as he saw McNally, discarded by the zombie for fresher prey, fall to the ground.

Next to him, Shaw gasped, "Sammy."

Oliver couldn't fire. Not on Sam. It just wasn't going to happen. Diaz knew this the same way he would not be able to end Dov's existence, even if it was an unnatural one.

Diaz drew his weapon and fired. The zombie who used to be Sam Swarek kept on advancing. Behind Sam, Diaz could see Andy beginning to stir. Diaz fired again and again. Sam was so close, Chris couldn't have missed, but he didn't stop.

"Blanks" Gail said behind him and Diaz whirled around.

When his heart left his throat and settled enough that he could hear his own thoughts, Diaz asked a simple question, "What?"

Another zombie ran through the woods. Diaz didn't recognize that one.

Gail answered, "We don't want to hear about the Zombie Apocalypse anymore. It's been a year. That is long enough."

"What?"

"It's a zombie chase." Sam tried to clarify.

"What?"

"A zombie run," Andy said trying to get through to Diaz in a way that would compute. "Sam and I decided to run this marathon on our day off and we all decided to kill two birds with one stone."

"What?"

"I can't believe you and Swarek didn't blow the whole thing when you decided to make out in the middle of a zombie apocalypse." Dov interjected.

"What?"

Andy blushed slightly. Sam simply said, "There were certain conditions to my participation in this thing." At that Andy took off and as she threw a taunt behind her, Sam took off running.

"What?"

"Diaz, stop worrying about zombies, the government already admitted they are prepared for a zombie attack. It's the cylons we should be worried about." Shaw joked.

Horrified, Chris asked "What? Is that how they swapped Swarek out for a robot?"

"Don't worry about that. They obviously swapped him back. What was he doing the last time you saw him?" Shaw asked.

"Chasing McNally."


	2. Keep On

_A/N: So I wasn't going to continue because I took the resounding silence on the first chapter as a verdict that this was, in fact, too stupid to continue. But I have a problem, so I'm doubling down on stupid in hopes of squeegeeing the visions of musical numbers out of my brain._

_I hope the three to eleven of you who share my cracked sense of humor enjoy this. I apologize in advance if in curing myself of this TV crossover nightmare, I infect you._

_There is a cheat sheet at the bottom if you need it._

_I do not own Rookie Blue or the Brady Bunch or anything affiliated with them._

* * *

**Rule 3: We are not your parents; we are your training officers**

_Here's the story of a lovely lady_

The wind was howling as the rookies pushed their way through the doors of 15 Division. Winter had come to Toronto while the rookies had been sunning themselves on the beach.

"It's weird right?" Diaz asked.

Andy, Gail, Traci, Nick, and Dov didn't answer. They refused to answer. There was no answer that would satisfy Diaz. None of them really understood why they'd gotten a week off to play in the sand and surf; but all of them, except Chris, decided after the first twenty four hours not to question it.

"I mean they didn't even take Olivia." Diaz continued unperturbed.

They had to admit, that hadn't made a lot of sense. The Staff Sergeant and Officer Best nee Williams had not been gone a day following their nuptials when Oliver Shaw gathered the six of them in Parade and announced that they were all heading out to the airport to police Frank and Noelle's honeymoon. In Hawaii. On the beach. With tropical drinks with rum and little colorful umbrellas. And a dog.

That was the other odd thing. Before leaving, Shaw had checked out a dog from the K-9 unit. That dog had somehow become McNally's before the end of the week. She named him Boo Radley.

Boo was currently sniffing at the cuff Nick's jeans and lifting his leg when he began to growl. Before McNally could grab his collar, the dog took off. People were diving out of the way, paper and all manner of office supplies were flung everywhere and a certain detective managed to climb his way to the top of the filing cabinet to avoid the snapping jaws below.

At their backs, the rookies felt a blast of cold air. They didn't need to turn to know who had just come in, at the worst possible moment. The rookies had long ago learned the feel of their training officers' stares, like sharp icicles digging into their backs.

Noelle stood there flanked by her new husband and Oliver Shaw, both of whom were barely restraining their mirth. Noelle could only shake her head. She'd been on maternity leave for nearly a year and still she wasn't surprised by the sight before her on her first day back on the job.

This is why they'd decided that the rookies and Shaw should join them in Hawaii. A critical mass of training officers were required to be within a certain radius of this batch of rookies at all times. They had decided this when McNally had faced a killer alone on her first day and reaffirmed the decision when Diaz got stabbed, Epstein stepped on a pressure plate, McNally got duct taped by a serial killer and Peck got abducted by yet another serial killer and …

Well let's just say that finding Detective Donovan Boyd treed like some cat by a dog, just because the rookies had arrived to work five minutes before their training officers, did not surprise Noelle at all.

McNally heard a chocked grunt behind her and that was enough to get her moving. She was dashing across the squad room trying to get Boo under control so Detective Boyd to return to solid ground.

When he did, Boyd demanded, "That dog is a menace. I'm putting in a complaint and that dog is going to be put down." Boyd still harbored resentment over that other matter, which ended with teeth sunk into his ass.

That got an immediate response out of all the rookies. They all started shouting, on top of one another, the reasons Boo Radley should be saved. But it was Frank Best's booming voice that had the most convincing argument, "Boyd, in the last week this dog has taken more drugs off the street than you have in your entire career. If you try to have him put down you'll look like an idiot."

The fact that the dog had sniffed out cocaine hidden in a tiki idol, that Dov had bought as a souvenir, had led to the rookies to uncovering a drug ring selling millions of dollars of illegal substances across the Hawaiian Islands was just the thing to save him. It didn't hurt that the dog was also instrumental in keeping the rookies from flying back to Canada in body bags by distracting a gun toting madman.

_Who was bringing up three very lovely girls_

Andy McNally stormed into the locker room in a huff. Flipping her hair, she gathered herself and headed to her locker.

"What's wrong?" Tracy asked.

Humongous sigh.

"OK. Spill it. What happened?" Gail added.

Andy whirled and leaning back against her locker said dramatically, "I just ran into Luke and he told me he's taking Jo Rosati to the Policeman's Ball."

"Andy you've been broken up with him for more than a year, nearly two. I thought you were over him." Traci said.

"I am. I just don't want to be 'that girl'. The one who's ex moves on and everyone thinks that because she's still single she's pining over him." Andy answered.

Gail saw something in Andy's expression and asked, "What did you do?"

"I may have said that I had a date for the Ball." Andy hedged.

"And do you?" Traci asked, but continued, shaking her head and not letting Andy answer, "Of course you don't. Well we'll have to get you a date. That won't be too difficult. We should go out to a bar or a club tonight, somewhere other than the Penny. You need to broaden your horizons. Otherwise you'll end up having to convince Luke that you've suddenly developed feelings for one of the boys."

Andy grimaced.

"What?" Gail asked.

"I may have told Luke that Sam Swarek was my date." Andy admitted abashed.

Traci's gasp was drowned out by Gail's groan. They pointed out all the problems in Andy's lie, completing each other's sentences.

"But you don't even know him…"

"He's a legend in undercover work…"

"He's been under for nearly five years…"

"You only met him that one time..."

"When you arrested him..."

"And nearly broke his cover…"

Andy whirled back to face her locker and opened it with a snick. She ran her finger tips over a glossy surface inside her locker and said, "It just came out. I didn't plan it."

Gail grabbed the edge of the locker and opened it wider.

Traci could only shake her head seeing what Andy had taped up in her locker. Gail made a grab for the glossy photo, "I don't believe you have this. What did you do? Get Dov to give you the tapes from holding so you could print off an 8 x 10?"

Andy didn't admit that Gail was right. Instead she made a grab for the photo and hugging it to her chest Andy said, with a breathy sigh, "It's just that Sam Swarek is so dreamy."

_All of them have hair of gold, like their mother_

"I'm thinking I should become a brunette." Gail said to Traci after Andy made her way to the showers.

"Why, aren't blondes supposed to have more fun?" Traci asked.

"It just seems like everyone thinks I'm some kind of ice queen. You, Andy, and Noelle never get the 'frosty' comments. I think it might be time for a change." Gail said.

"You were just a little intense when we got out of the Academy. We're all practically family now. You shouldn't let it bother you" Traci reassured.

"Well, it's just that you're a detective already, Noelle got married, and Andy… Well everyone looks at Andy like she poops rainbows and farts sunshine. After having to start over again as a rookie, to avoid getting fired, I just feel stuck. I need a change."

As Andy returned wrapped in a towel, Gail made her excuses to leave for Parade. She nearly collided with Oliver Shaw in the hall. Shaw handed Gail a donut and coffee.

"What's this for?" Gail asked.

"I was a rookie with Sam Swarek and Jerry Barber. I remember what it's like." Shaw answered.

_The youngest one in curls_

"What's that?" Andy asked, now dressed in her uniform.

"Kitty Karry-All" Traci answered as she pulled the doll off the top shelf of her locker. Answering Andy's silent query to expand upon her answer, she continued, "I decided to start dating again."

"That's great. I know you miss Jerry but he wouldn't want you to be alone forever." Andy interrupted.

Traci shook her head, "He's probably going to haunt the first guy I get serious with but I know he'd want me to be happy. Anyway, it was our fifth date and I decided to introduce him to Leo. Turns out he was a jerk that was so self-involved that he thought I had a daughter."

Andy shook her said, sympathetically.

"He swore that the present he got was a toy truck and that someone broke into his car and swapped it for this doll. I can't even believe he thought I was dumb enough to believe that. After I dumped him, I decided to bring it in to donate to the charity drive." Traci concluded.

Doll swinging in her hand, Traci headed out of the locker room with Andy when McNally came to an abrupt stop and spun around and sprinted back to her locker.

Traci watched, dumbfounded, as Andy opened the locker and placed a quick kiss on the photo taped to the door, "What are you doing?"

"It's for good luck. Some people have a rabbit's foot or lucky socks. I kiss a picture of Sam Swarek, super cop. The one time I forgot, I ended up holding a grenade in my bare hands." Andy finished lamely.

"Is that why you are always late to Parade?" Traci asked.

"I have to wait until everyone leaves. It's embarrassing." Andy answered.

"Do you have one of those at your apartment?" Traci continued her interrogation.

Andy nodded.

"When you were living with Callaghan?"

Andy nodded.

"Did he find it?"

Andy nodded.

_Here's the story of a man named __Best_

"McNally, Peck, Nash, Collins, Diaz, and Epstein you are not dismissed." Staff Sargent Best boomed after Parade.

All of the rookies were thinking the exact same thing; this couldn't be good, especially since Oliver and Noelle stuck around to watch the show.

"The Policeman's Ball" Frank started and let the words hang in the air, savoring them.

Andy groaned.

Nick, in an aside to Traci that only she could hear asked, "What's wrong with McNally?"

Traci, equally quietly, answered "She thinks that Best knows that she told Callaghan she was going with Swarek."

Nick raised a brow, not recognizing the name.

"Undercover super cop," Traci said as if that answered everything.

Diaz shushed them when Frank continued, "Every year we rotate which Division provides the entertainment. This year is 15 Division'sturn. You have volunteered."

Dov asked, "What does that mean? We have to hire a band?"

"No, Officer Epstein. You and your fellow officers are the entertainment. I will provide DVDs of 27 Division's performance last year. I am sure you will acquit yourselves in a way that will do 15 Division proud." Best commanded.

As Best left Parade with Shaw and his new wife, Noelle asked "You are sure that all recordings of our performance were destroyed?"

"Absolutely, we got them all." Frank answered.

"That's not entirely true," Oliver pointed out, "Sam didn't get his. He was tripped up by a little girl in pigtails."

"Are you telling me that we went to the trouble of burgling our training officer's homes to destroy the evidence and Sammy didn't get Tommy's copy?" Best asked, begging to be wrong.

"He was young. We all were. He hadn't quite worked out the Swarek swagger enough to get by a cop's kid." Shaw explained.

"You are not talking about Andy McNally" pointing to Parade "that Andy McNally. You are not telling me that a cop in my house might have a video of us," Frank actually spluttered, "I can't even say it. I try never to think about it."

"Even if she does, what can it hurt? No one has a VCR anymore, right?" Oliver said.

_Who was busy with three boys of his own_

They'd been rehearsing for the Policeman's Ball since shift ended. Nick and Andy had ducked out a half an hour ago to get changed because they had been assigned to an undercover operation at a club tonight.

Nick was the first to return. He was wearing shades indoors and skin tight silk. He looked like a gigolo, but tilting his shades asked "How do I look?"

"Like a fashion model." Traci got out with a straight face.

"Cool. That's exactly what I was going for. I found these clothes up in Guns and Gangs. Mauve is a great color on me. Don't you think? I'm using the name Nicky Bravo." Nick continued.

As Nick rambled on, Diaz whispered to Gail, "Do you think those are Jerry's costumes? They kind of remind me of what I wore when they put me undercover as a male prostitute and those clothes were Jerry's."

Gail elbowed Diaz in the ribs, not wanting Traci to overhear and get maudlin.

Before the others could ask why Gail was abusing Chris, Andy McNally made her entrance. She was very scantily clad. Her dress was barely there. She blurted out "Boyd picked it. He's punishing me because of Boo. I don't know what that dog did to Boyd, but he's taking it out on me."

Gail punctuated Andy's words by slapping Nick in the back of the head and hissing, "Close your mouth. You're drooling. She's supposed to be your sister. "

"Nick, we have to go. The team is waiting." Andy said. Rubbing his head, Nick did as he was told.

Dov, glad he'd been picked to ride in the surveillance van because it got him out of rehearsal, followed them.

As they were just past the doors, Andy exclaimed, "I'm not using Candy Bravo as a cover name."

_They were four men living all together_

The night of the Policeman's Ball had arrived. Chris peered around the curtain and saw a ballroom filled with tables and overflowing with brass. He looked back at the other rookies who were glaring at him.

"If you cared what you were wearing, you should have helped." Chris stated.

"We didn't think you'd pick anything with so many sequins." Dov countered.

The rookies had put up with Chris's song selection. They even put up with the choreography. Mostly because complaining would lead to being required to help.

But the choice of costume was cruel and very unlike Chris. They couldn't decide whether this was punishment for lack of enthusiasm or not. Well, it was punishment they just weren't sure if it was intentional. They were practically bedazzled.

The girls ended up in one piece jumpsuits, with bell bottoms of all things. But in an act of masochism, the guys didn't escape the bell bottoms and they had the added horror of vests that were practically blinding with bling.

Someone was signaling them to get ready, as they heard the MC announce their performance, Chris said "Let's get this over with" which got them moving to take their places.

The curtain came up and the music started. The rookies were bouncing up and down in time to the music. Just that. Every once in a while, their hands would shoot in the air and they'd sing, "Ooo"

Eventually they got to the part routine where they danced in a line with their back to the audience. Gail used the opportunity to hiss, "What are you doing?"

Turning to the audience, they sang bouncing in time to the beat. "Keep on, Keep on"

And back, still bouncing, several rookies answered, "I'm the back ground singer"

Turn. "Keep on, Keep on" Turn.

"Who is supposed to be singing lead?" Nick asked.

Turn. Shrug. "Keep on, Keep on" Turn.

"Who knows the words?" Traci asked.

Turn. "Keep on, Keep on" Turn.

"Chris chose the song, he must know the words." Andy answered.

Turn. "Keep on, Keep on" Turn.

"I'm not singing lead," Chris stated.

Turn. Gasp. "Keep on, Keep on moving" Turn.

"Lip-synching bastard," Dov exclaimed, loud enough for the audience to hear, as the shock that he could only identify five voices hit him.

Turn. "Keep on, Keep on grooving" Turn.

"You will sing or I will murder you." Gail said, threatening Chris on a menacing hiss.

Turn. And Chris opened his mouth, pulled air into his lungs and sang with verve. The sound was horrible, it was kind of like a cat had swallowed a frog and was then strangled by a dolphin.

All the rookies stopped bouncing and their hands shot to their ears to block out the noise. Dov looked to the side of the stage and caught a glimpse of a man. He was dashing toward the pulls that would bring down the curtain and end the performance.

In the audience, Frank was stunned and horrified.

"Sergeant, aren't those your costumes?" the Chief of Police asked, thinking back to a long ago performance.

"Yes Sir," Best answered in a defeated whisper and scanning his companions he saw a look in Noelle's and Oliver's eyes that he knew was reflected in his own. He wondered briefly if he could get leave for post-traumatic stress for himself and, making a mental list, eight of his people.

_Yet they were all alone_

Dov left the others squabbling on stage and went backstage to find their savior, putting a hand on his shoulder, he said "You came."

_{flashback}_

Boyd and the rest of the team had already set up surveillance across the street from the club's entrance where they were monitoring what went on inside with cameras placed by an undercover operative. Dov had been relegated to a van in the back to ensure that no one left unobserved, with one barked instruction "Stay in the van."

But Dov couldn't stay in the van any longer. He noticed a man hanging out in the back alley behind the club and decided he must be casing the joint. Dov decided that he couldn't allow Nick and Andy's undercover operation be ruined by a robbery. He slid open the door, jumped to the curb and ran straight towards the suspicious person blowing his whistle all the while.

Luckily the music in the club was loud enough that it couldn't be heard inside. Knowing that didn't stop the man from clocking Dov, disabling him with one move. It was awesome. Even Dov thought so.

Dov got a good look at the figure looming over him and asked for confirmation, "Sam Swarek?"

Sam Swarek knew that his undercover was crossing over with Candy and Nicky Bravo's, what stupid names, and he'd been warned to steer clear to avoid the risk of being recognized and inadvertently exposed by the cops from his old Division. But Sam couldn't quite stop himself from lurking. He wanted, no needed, to know how the rookie who'd tackled him all those years ago turned out and if all the stories he'd heard were true.

Sam kept his face blank and sounded, to Dov, just like their training officers; if a little rusty, when he barked, "Get back in the van."

Dov took his life in his hands when he called out "Wait!" to Sam's retreating back. And when he halted, Dov told Sam Swarek stories of Andy McNally and Luke Callaghan and Policeman's Balls. Traci was a gossip. So was Dov.

_{end flashback}_

Never sneak up on super cop. Dov found himself laid out by Sam Swarek again. And once again he found himself asking Swarek to wait, "McNally will want to see you."

Scrambling to his feet, Dov continued, "I'll go get her. I'll take her to the terrace and you can talk alone."

_Till the one day when the lady met this fellow_

Dov shoved Andy through the doors to the terrace. She had no idea why until Sam Swarek stepped out of the shadows.

That left Andy tongue tied, for once, so it was up to Sam to fill the silence, "I understand I'm your date."

Andy flushed red in embarrassment. Somehow he knew. She hoped he didn't know about the pictures.

"Would my date care to dance?" Sam asked.

Andy went into his arms like she belonged there. It felt right. After a long while dancing, beneath the stars, Andy asked "Why did you come?"

Sam answered, "Undercover is hard. You risk losing yourself. Sometimes, when an opportunity to get back to your real life comes along, you have to grab it. It's nice to be in a building full of cops again."

Sam paused a moment, and then went on, "And I wanted to see how you turned out."

"So, should we prove to Callaghan that you aren't pining away for him?" Sam asked.

Andy shook her head, "No that's not important. Maybe you could just stay and talk for a while."

Sam learned that night that Andy McNally could talk until dawn if you let her. Sam did, gladly. He watched the sunrise, combing his fingers through Andy's hair, as she rested her head in his lap.

_And they knew that it was much more than a hunch_

Every few months, Oliver Shaw went to visit his girlfriend, Samantha, in Seattle. It always made the rookies nervous that someday he'd get engaged and move. They weren't ready to be out on the street without the reassurance that Oliver Shaw was there keeping an eye on them to make sure they all came home safely.

Oliver had never actually been to Seattle.

Deep undercover that lasted as long as Sam's had were so rare that no one even considered that breaks were given to make sure the cop didn't burn out or worse.

Every few months, Sam Swarek visited his girlfriend, Olivia, in a cabin in the woods. A cabin in the woods was the last place Sam wanted to be. It sounded like a horror movie to him. But it was the only place his handlers agreed was safe enough to preserve his cover. So to have a chance to be Sam Swarek for a little while, he learned to fish.

Shaw was following their normal routine. Drinking beer by the river, Oliver was telling Sam story after story, catching him up on everything that had been going on with his sister and her family and back at fifteen.

Oliver had noticed that during their first vacation after Sam last set foot in 15 Division, in a cell, that Sam would listen with rapt attention every time a certain rookie's name came up. It had only gotten more obvious over the years. Oliver had decided, shortly after Callaghan was history, that he was going to play matchmaker for Sam Swarek and Andy McNally a soon as Sam's assignment ended.

"Am I boring you?" Oliver asked. Sam kept getting a spacey look in his eyes; it seemed to Oliver that Sam had heard these stories before.

He had, and every time Oliver launched into a story Sam drifted back into a memory of Andy McNally's animated account. But he wasn't about to tell Oliver this, his appearance at the Policeman's Ball was a total breach of procedure.

Not getting an answer to his query, Oliver made another, "Any end in sight?"

For the first time in five years, Oliver Shaw was relieved. Sam nodded, "I think we finally have a plan that will take down Anton Hill."

_That this group must somehow form a family_

Jerry Barber left the evidence locker.

The officer on duty was still shell shocked. Boyd had escorted Jerry into evidence and told him that Detective Barber had faked his death to go undercover and that they needed his help to locate the evidence to close their case.

Boyd was strutting as he led Barber into the main section of 15 Division. Turning to Jerry he gave the officers present an order, "Arrest this man for impersonating a police officer."

The station erupted into chaos. Traci Nash let out a shriek at the appearance of her dead fiancé.

But Boyd continued unperturbed, "I pretended to take a bribe to say that Jerry Barber was alive and undercover so we could find the evidence Anton Hill was looking for. Now we have it," holding an envelope in the air, "Arrest this man."

Boo Radley escaped his handler and tackled Boyd to the ground, all snarling teeth. Boo hated that man.

Meanwhile the other officers went after the man impersonating Jerry Barber. In the chaos, Sam Swarek slipped into the building.

When they were trying to take Jerry down, he accidentally elbowed Andy in the nose.

"Ow, my nose!" Andy exclaimed, sounding stuffed up and starting to bleed.

Swarek saw red, literally, and punched the impostor in the face. Not because he was impersonating Jerry but because he'd laid a hand on Andy. That it was an accident didn't really matter to Sam.

Traci crawled on top of the unconscious man to make sure he stayed down. Straddling the man masquerading as her fiancé Jerry Barber, Traci grabbed a hold of a flap of skin at his neck and pulled. Ripping away the latex mask he wore and hoisting it in the air like some kind of trophy, she looked down to see that the impostor had been revealed to be …

Jerry Barber.

Huh.

_That's the way we all became the…_

Crack. Frank Best's hand slammed down on the table mere inches from Gail's face and she nearly leaped out of her seat. Peck had committed the unpardonable sin of falling asleep during Parade.

Nick Collin's leaned over and whispered, "You're drooling a little."

Gail wiped her mouth and snarled something unrepeatable at him before going to check her assignment since she had missed that during her nap. Her shoulders drooped when she saw that she was assigned to the desk.

Gail turned when she heard a peal of laughter. She watched as Officers Swarek and McNally horsed around as they headed out to their squad. With disgust, she noticed that everyone else was watching them too, and muttered "Even in my dreams, it's always McNally, McNally, McNally!"

**Cheat Sheet**

Noelle Williams = Carol Brady

Andy McNally =Marcia Brady

Gail Peck = Jan Brady

Traci Nash =Cindy Brady

Frank Best = Mike Brady

Nick Collins = Greg Brady aka Johnny Bravo

Chris Diaz = Peter Brady

Dov Epstein = Bobby Brady

Oliver Shaw = Alice

Sam Swarek = Davy Jones {hey, hey we're the Monkees}

Jerry Barber = the con man impersonating Carol's long lost first husband


End file.
